Rules were made to be broken, right?

Rules were made to be broken, right? 

First . . . . . 

I could not dare start off without thanking a few of my friends that have totally stood up, shown up and let me know they have my back. It could be a daily text to check on me (Thank you Tatum), or taking over an Awana pumpkin project to decorate with Brighton (Margaret - you seriously are my hero!), or bringing me lunch just to sit and talk and check on me AND hauling my kid around while I have conferences. (Jodi - you are a saint.) I love you three dearly and you bring a sense of calmness that I very much need. My awesome principal who has had more than her fair share with the medical world, has been awesome in checking in on doctors, reminding me when I should call  - not letting me give up - and sending me words of encouragement. I am blessed with the hugs, cards, and small tokens everyone has shown me in the past few days. Thank you, it really does mean a lot. My parents have been incredibly supportive and helpful in making sure I am minding my ps and qs. They always are and we are very lucky to have them right down the driveway. 

What's new . . . 

Well, I have studied a lot. I have changed my diet completely. Since Friday I have eaten a lot of salads and 1 gluten free pizza. I have done well without the cokes, caffeine, fried foods and fast foods - but let me tell you - I would love a juicy steak about now! It is so strange because I hardly ever eat meat. 

So, I'm in a medical limbo. My PCP has not sent the referral to Joplin therefore Joplin cannot schedule an appointment for me. I have emailed and called my PCP, but with no luck. No one has called me back or emailed me back regarding my referral to Joplin. So, I'm stuck. I'll push again tomorrow. 

Rules?

So, I said I was okay with the diet (so far). I am supposed to be taking it easy - getting good rest - and not over doing it. Over-doing it is my middle name! Stress is my game! So, this is incredibly hard for me. I worked tonight until 8:30, tomorrow I teach Children's Lit until 7:00 after working all day and Thursday night I teach Music Ed until 7:30. Here's the thing. I thought I had it under control. I thought I could continue to work this hard and just control my diet. Nope. As I lay here typing this at 9:52 - this girl is hurting. My legs, feet, ankles, and back. I am already paying for today - so I can't imagine what tomorrow will feel like. Some how, some way, I am going to have to learn to take it easy. This rule was not meant to be broken. 

Seeing the Light

In every situation that I have been faced with a challenge, I can look back and see God working through it or working on me during it. I'm starting to see the light. For example - I have the absolute best class I have probably ever taught. Seriously. No one is really a challenge, they are all very polite and respectful and just down to earth great kids. I think I was blessed with these kids because this was going to happen and the Lord was taking care of me. I didn't need extra stress. Praise the Lord for these precious babies! 

At any given moment

At any given moment, I could be experiencing any of these symptoms - lately I have had a great sensitivity to light, no appetite, and a lot of stiffness in my back and legs. If you think to pray for me, please pray for my referral to go through and I can see the specialist sooner than later. 

Thank you for everything, especially your prayers. 

Much love. 

JB

 

But Wait . . . I don't like Roses

Who doesn't like roses? 

Yes, I said it, I don't really care for roses, I never really have. For years my grandmother would take me around her yard showing me every kind of flower under the sun, and they were all beautiful and I loved them all, but when it came to the roses, they just didn't float my boat. I think I'm different in that way in lots of areas. Pull for the Hogs you say . . . nah, I'll be a Auburn fan! "Go out and do this - yeah, I really just like my bed". I think I've always just kind of been on my own path and stuck with it - just doing my own thing. Always trying to please everyone, but staying true to myself the entire time. Trust me - that is no easy task, my friend. I think I have FINALLY learned, you are never going to make everyone happy! 

What does this have to do with roses! AH! Yes. Well, around 8-10 weeks ago all of these "weird" things began happening - but not at the same time. And, if you have ever been around me, or my dad, or Todd - you know we can have some crazy stuff happen to us and talk about it for days, so no one really bothered to pay much attention to me when I was mentioning it. Stuff like - "ummmm, my vision is coming and going - everything just goes blurry". I can still see Dennis nodding "ummmhummm". lol Then, the next few days, my chest is really kind of hurting - that's so strange . . . .same response. Or a week later - Hey friend, you know what is weird - I have had this sore back for a week, I haven't exercised, or lifted anything or done anything out of the ordinary - isn't that weird? Or my absolute favorite - when school starts and you are the only teacher that hasn't turned on your ac because you have chill bumps and it is 99 degrees outside but inside your blood pressure is 70/40. 

I finally got tired of complaining and went in to see Dr. Rosie - my PCP. She ran a lot of blood work and asked a lot of questions. Maybe I wasn't so crazy after all. 

I waited 5 long days for the results of 7 vials of blood. It seemed like forever. During these 5 days, I was barely moving. No really - like I couldn't bend down, or hardly walk, climb into bed, I was in a ton of pain and without hearing from my doctor I felt like I was getting crazier and crazier. Finally I emailed her on Friday and begged not to wait all weekend. There had to be some answer. I took off a half a day of work because I just couldn't move anymore than I had to. I was hurting and I couldn't hide it from my kids any longer. 

At 1:15 Dr. Rosie called me with words I now wish she'd take back. Four simple words that have and will change my life more than I even know at this moment. 

You have rheumatoid arthritis. 

Now wait, before you say "Really Jill!" "That's it!" Let me explain if you think it is just like an elderly person has and you rub some aspercream on it and you'll be fine in the am. 

RA is an autoimmune disease where your immune system is attacking your tissue and joints and in my case also organs in the body. It is a chronic pain disease. There is no cure. There is treatment with medication, physical therapy, and lots of heating pads. Your condition does not get better, it gets worse. I am 35 years old. 

I will now go to a specialist in Joplin to see the best plan for me to live without so much pain. 

For now - and most likely for the rest of my life - no caffeine, no fried foods, no gluten (like WHAT),no vigorous activity, lots of water, take many short breaks, no climbing, yard work, picking up B, basically every day things that I've always done. 

Now, I DO KNOW this isn't the end of the world, and this could be a lot worse. But, right now I'm in a sad, bitter mood. Dennis isn't letting me unload groceries or climb the stairs - I know that will change, but for now - everyone is on egg shells until I meet with the doctor in Joplin. 

So, I was telling a friend today, this is like the "Stop to smell the roses disease". You cannot get in a hurry to do anything. Everything is slow paced, not the 90mph I'm used to. She replied "At least you are looking at the bright side" - My response - Have I mentioned I don't care for roses? 

So, today, I write, telling you all - here is what is going on - thorns and all - and maybe just maybe the next time I write, I will have learned to slow down and have taken some time to enjoy the roses. 

My mom always said " If God doesn't have your full attention, he'll find a way to get it". Well played, God. Well played.