But Wait . . . I don't like Roses

Who doesn't like roses? 

Yes, I said it, I don't really care for roses, I never really have. For years my grandmother would take me around her yard showing me every kind of flower under the sun, and they were all beautiful and I loved them all, but when it came to the roses, they just didn't float my boat. I think I'm different in that way in lots of areas. Pull for the Hogs you say . . . nah, I'll be a Auburn fan! "Go out and do this - yeah, I really just like my bed". I think I've always just kind of been on my own path and stuck with it - just doing my own thing. Always trying to please everyone, but staying true to myself the entire time. Trust me - that is no easy task, my friend. I think I have FINALLY learned, you are never going to make everyone happy! 

What does this have to do with roses! AH! Yes. Well, around 8-10 weeks ago all of these "weird" things began happening - but not at the same time. And, if you have ever been around me, or my dad, or Todd - you know we can have some crazy stuff happen to us and talk about it for days, so no one really bothered to pay much attention to me when I was mentioning it. Stuff like - "ummmm, my vision is coming and going - everything just goes blurry". I can still see Dennis nodding "ummmhummm". lol Then, the next few days, my chest is really kind of hurting - that's so strange . . . .same response. Or a week later - Hey friend, you know what is weird - I have had this sore back for a week, I haven't exercised, or lifted anything or done anything out of the ordinary - isn't that weird? Or my absolute favorite - when school starts and you are the only teacher that hasn't turned on your ac because you have chill bumps and it is 99 degrees outside but inside your blood pressure is 70/40. 

I finally got tired of complaining and went in to see Dr. Rosie - my PCP. She ran a lot of blood work and asked a lot of questions. Maybe I wasn't so crazy after all. 

I waited 5 long days for the results of 7 vials of blood. It seemed like forever. During these 5 days, I was barely moving. No really - like I couldn't bend down, or hardly walk, climb into bed, I was in a ton of pain and without hearing from my doctor I felt like I was getting crazier and crazier. Finally I emailed her on Friday and begged not to wait all weekend. There had to be some answer. I took off a half a day of work because I just couldn't move anymore than I had to. I was hurting and I couldn't hide it from my kids any longer. 

At 1:15 Dr. Rosie called me with words I now wish she'd take back. Four simple words that have and will change my life more than I even know at this moment. 

You have rheumatoid arthritis. 

Now wait, before you say "Really Jill!" "That's it!" Let me explain if you think it is just like an elderly person has and you rub some aspercream on it and you'll be fine in the am. 

RA is an autoimmune disease where your immune system is attacking your tissue and joints and in my case also organs in the body. It is a chronic pain disease. There is no cure. There is treatment with medication, physical therapy, and lots of heating pads. Your condition does not get better, it gets worse. I am 35 years old. 

I will now go to a specialist in Joplin to see the best plan for me to live without so much pain. 

For now - and most likely for the rest of my life - no caffeine, no fried foods, no gluten (like WHAT),no vigorous activity, lots of water, take many short breaks, no climbing, yard work, picking up B, basically every day things that I've always done. 

Now, I DO KNOW this isn't the end of the world, and this could be a lot worse. But, right now I'm in a sad, bitter mood. Dennis isn't letting me unload groceries or climb the stairs - I know that will change, but for now - everyone is on egg shells until I meet with the doctor in Joplin. 

So, I was telling a friend today, this is like the "Stop to smell the roses disease". You cannot get in a hurry to do anything. Everything is slow paced, not the 90mph I'm used to. She replied "At least you are looking at the bright side" - My response - Have I mentioned I don't care for roses? 

So, today, I write, telling you all - here is what is going on - thorns and all - and maybe just maybe the next time I write, I will have learned to slow down and have taken some time to enjoy the roses. 

My mom always said " If God doesn't have your full attention, he'll find a way to get it". Well played, God. Well played.